So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I need moral support for this bender
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
