it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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