just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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