Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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