I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
