I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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