I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I am mentally ready for anal.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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