Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the day after is always just damage control
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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