Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
