i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
