Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
