She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
