im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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