Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
