Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize