he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
