We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
