i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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