One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize