Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
