Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
