Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
