At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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