So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
