Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
