My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
