I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I heard we made out
I'm really into asian looking animals
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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