tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
