I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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