pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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