Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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