On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
