Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
