When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
