you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
