why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize