Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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