No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
