Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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