That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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