this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
