hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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