I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
