I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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