ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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