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I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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