He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize