I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
