but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
