So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
