He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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