Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
