Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
