i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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