Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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