And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
