so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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