If i come over, it means nothing
need another drink. this is the easiest way
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
