If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
