he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
