he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was born a porn star she said
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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