sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just found a bag of teeth...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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