Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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