he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
