"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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