my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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