I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
