Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
