I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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