I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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