I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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