I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
